Question: My friend, who is 21, is marrying a 32 year old college educated woman. He is doesn't have a career or seeking higher education. Is this a good match?

Response: I could make this the shortest column I’ve ever submitted and say, “No. This is a horrible match!” However, I must hold true to respond to the why for any of my replies to our reader’s questions, so…

Let me start by saying, I know women in particular are viewed differently (although we are moving toward a more positive outlook) by society when dating and marrying men ten or more years younger than they are. Personally, I feel the issue of a cougar and a cub seems to be of the least importance when compared to the other information you’ve provided. The most alarming thing you’ve mentioned is the absence of a career path. Better yet, a dream. It is understood that a lot of us haven’t decided what we would like to do at this age. However, at twenty-one, it is reasonable to assume you at least have a hint about direction for your life.

My question for your friend is, “If you are capable of making a decision about sharing your life with someone, why haven’t you made decisions about the kind of life you want to have with this person?” Spending your life includes providing a life. This mismatch not made in heaven has more than an age difference working to its disadvantage.

There are viable points for both sides to consider or at least, be prepared to confront for a resolution they both can live with. I don’t know about the woman in this situation but there are some things that are deal breakers for some of us. Now, let’s look at this. This woman has sacrificed and invested time to improve her quality of life. Please, don’t muddy this up with thinking I’m focusing on the importance of materialistic positioning. However, if one has made a reasonable move toward financial security, they deserve reciprocity of the same benefit from their partner.

The sign of immaturity for your friend isn’t his age, but shows in his lack of planning, positioning, and preparation for his future. Also showing is evidence that neither one of them has thought this through thoroughly. Have they considered family planning for the future? They may not be in sync for having children. Because she is 32 and if she has postponed having children to this point, she may want to have children soon after they are married. Or, if she already has children, does he want her to have more children with him? Starting, increasing, or blending a family can cause incredible pressure and strain in a marriage.

A twenty-one year old with a wife, ready-made family, and more on the way, may be an arduous circumstantial challenge. I am not saying the relationship cannot survive but it is “fanta-whimsical” not to consider some things they may face. These are factors alone can cause the undoing of a relationship.

While others may say they are incompatible in other areas, I don’t totally agree. They are probably physically, possibly intellectually, and most definitely sexually (truth) compatible. Educational inequities can exist in relationships; that in itself is not uncommon. Contrary to common belief, there are still some trade skills that pay extremely well. But, why not give yourself additional leverage and financial ability by an educational advantage?

If, they have a relationship where she can make more money than him and it doesn’t cause issue for either one; that may work too. Maybe. Big maybe. The biggest flag seems to be an emotional incompatibility. The only thing that closes or lessens this gap is maturity. Often, that takes more time to develop than we are willing to invest.

My advice to your friend to step back and honestly assess if he is able right now to be the man his woman deserves. Don’t let his or her impatience get in the way. Even if being married comes later than sooner, he should take the time to work on it and at it to give her his best. God bless.

Evangelist Parker is a consummate minister and facilitator. As His yielded vessel, she delivers the Word with the WORD (works ordered by revelation for His deliverance). Evangelist Lynne endeavors to execute each kingdom mandate with passion; bringing you spirit-filled teaching with powerful conclusions and life truths.

Evangelist Parker is an author, free-lance writer, columnist and Editor at Large for Brotha Online. She travels extensively on regional assignments as minister, facilitator, and consultant for new and existing ministries. Let His gifting through her bless you. For inquires and scheduling contact her at: askawoman@brothaonline.com