Response: My question to your friend would be, “Is the Ink Dry?” This scenario is not isolated to your friend or if he should date at this point. Many Christians are venturing out into the dating game again after a broken relationship experience. How else can you gather information about another person that may be the “one” again?

When business meetings are held you do not introduce new business until you have concluded discussion for the old business. If new business is discussed prior to old business being settled or resolved, the meeting is considered out of order. Our God path commands us to be men (mature and respected) in business and to do things with decorum and direction (I Cor. 14: 40).

I know some of you are bracing yourselves for the fusillade of scripture however; I’m sure you have read them all and have an illegal defense. We can justify just about anything we want with the word (Christians can become some of the worst offenders because we’ve got skills). Except this time let’s move away from an attempt for validation and gravitate towards the truth.

If you are still married and your divorce is not finalized, you do not have the right to date. “Is the Ink Dry?” means have you finalized; tied-up, terminated, extinguished, dissolved…you get it, your relationship with your wife. It’s dry when the marriage is dissolved legally. Then, you are able to move on without encumbrances to your new life and commitment to your new “the one”.

Although your marriage has ended, you still need to display some integrity in an attempt for closure. If you say it’s over with no hope of salvaging the relationship then end it already! What hold up is preventing you from finalizing the divorce?

Let me share this with you. If a man steps up to me with loose ends (i.e. married with problems, separated, going through a divorce, blah, blah, blah) it sends me this message:

This man wants me to believe he is capable or wiling to either explore the possibilities or commit to a new relationship with me. However, what I see is a man that is not handling his business. He doesn’t have enough honor to finish what he started. At this point, if he can’t end his current relationship before he initiates a new one, it shows me that he is immature. Seriously, I would not want to emotionally invest in a man that may tell me that he and his wife (oh, now she’s your wife again) decided to work things out. I know I deserve better and refuse to settle for the less with someone that is incapable of offering me more at this point in their life.

It’s Complicated

If you allow yourself to get pulled in, you may even become the casualty of an inappropriate relationship. While I’m at it, I am so sick of hearing, “We had an inappropriate relationship.” Really? Just man up…the two of you were or are having sex. This may not apply to your friend but, and this is truth, it applies to some of us. Technically, you are stepping out because you are not legally divorced even if your libido wants you to believe otherwise.

Then, you just happen to sleep with your wife and thought the two of you could work things out. Now you remember that you need to abandon your current commitment to make your future commitment (that you’re already working on) work. MESSY you are, all of you. YOU, YOUR wife and YOUR girlfriend.

Of course, this is the drama scenario; ménage a trios’ are sinful and unnecessary when you have the choice to do things the right way.

Your Choice Is To Close the Transaction, So Let’s Ink the Deal

By no means am I an advocate for divorce. However, I acknowledge that marriages can get to a place of disrepair and dissolving the marriage may seem to be the only amicable solution at the time. If you are not divorced yet, you need to find out why since you say it is over.

I would like to suggest something that many (not all) of our brothers seem to be resistant to; spiritual and professional counseling. Spiritually, you may want to solicit advice from someone that has been married for a while. Or, if your spiritual counselor has been divorced, make sure they are able to minister to you from their healed place not their hurt place. Professionals can help you lift the emotional piece and help you examine things logically and rationally. Overall, counseling has its benefits as you commence your journey to emotional wellness.

Even if counseling is not your choice, your healing agents are love and the release of forgiveness to one another. You and your wife deserve healthy emotional starts for your new lives as persons that are no longer married. May you both be able to move on and move forward as the ink dries.

God bless,

Sources consulted: KJV, MSG, and AMP Bibles
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/menage%20a%20trois